Do you like this poem?



What about you,
Makes my knees buckle,
My jaw jitter,
And my palms ice-cold?

Is it your aqua blue eyes,
As deep as the midnight sea,
Piercing through each soul it stares?

Or maybe it’s your lips,
So soft and smooth,
As though it’s never kissed a pair?

Could it be your hair,
That neat mess of hazelnut,
Uncombed yet perfectly placed?

Possibly your physique,
Gracefully sculpted by angels,
Like a tease, to swoon the single?

Beauty, what a shallow reason to love.

I love you for none of the above.

Not for your muscles that carry me away,
Neither for your hair that mimics your sway,
Nor for your lips that smile at me every day,
Or for your eyes that look at me so patiently—

But,

For carrying me off the sofa on Thursday nights,
For ruffling your hair to make me laugh,
For smiling at me every single day,
For lending me all the patience in the world,
And for giving me your undying love…
I love you.
I’m going to be reposting all my old poems again for more commenting. Expect to see the others this week.

How do you find it? Rate, review, and rant! :)
I’m fifteen! Take College classes?

I just wanted to write how I felt.

Psh.



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6 comments a "Do you like this poem?"

I’ll give it a 7 out of 10. It’s above average, but it is still the same kind of mushy stuff that people always post. I’m looking forward to reading some of your other work.

It’s not bad. Some thoughts. Palms getting sweaty generally reflects nervousness and/or really liking someone. Ice cold palms leans more towards fear and/or being reptile like. The sea at midnight is not very blue. More black. The whole I love you not for these reasons, BUT I love you for these things that are pretty much exactly what I just denied part is just confusing. Needs work.

It’s a good read, but loses it’s flow — 6 ?

Not bad. From a scale of 1-10 I’ll give you an 8.

Terrible, you have no sense of style, its just like every other poem, read about Poets and Poetry, in order to write Poetry, you must have a bigger vocabulary, read Sylvia Plath, Emily DIckinson, Sara Teasdale, Ray Bradbury, Shakespeare, Milton, Lord Byron, Minj Ju XuXu, Maya Angelou. Your poem lacks creativity it sounds so juevinile, take some College Writing classes to help you.

For 15 you are doing good, tell the 30 year lit prof if he didn’t drink so much he wouldn’ta been lit for so long. It does have a few bugs, but for the sake of the people who don’t know, 15 makes you a juvenile, so if it sounds juvenile, there is nothing wrong with that. And as far as reading Shakespeare, I don’t recommend his stuff to anyone. I didn’t like it in 1955 and I still don’t. Midsummer night’s dream was a good story, but was so hard to read, I threw it down about halfway through. I think it quite funny that I have been writing 21 years longer than the prof has been lit…

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